When weighing the benefits of couples group therapy, your first thought my be, “groups can be very scary to join.” We recently moved to a new state and did not know a soul in the town we moved to. We had to start all over again in a new state, new town, and a new church. We moved due to a job change, and even though we were excited for the new opportunity, the truth is, we were scared to meet new people. Could we find people that would connect with us, who would accept us, and permit our authentic selves? These are real feelings my wife and I had to process when we moved. We went on a journey to find a new group of couples with whom we can do life.
Joining a community group is challenging enough, but the idea of entering a group where we would do therapy? That just takes the idea to another level, especially when it concerns our marriage. In most groups we join, we can keep things on a surface level and not have to get too deep or real if we do not want. We can talk only about easy things, nothing too risky or dangerous. But in a therapy group, we have the chance to be open and go deeper. Such openness can be intimidating. But here is the thing: the reality is that all marriages have struggles. No marriage is immune to conflict and struggle. All marriages face challenges such as communication, money, intimacy, parenting, work, and in-laws. Now, we do not always struggle with these issues to the same degree—some more than others. But all couples encounter these topics at some point in their marriage.
Overcoming Fear: The Advantages of Group Therapy for Couples
When talking to couples about why they would be hesitant to come to a couples group therapy session, they say, “I look at other couples, and often I feel like they seem to have all their stuff together, but somehow, we do not. When we talk with other couples at church, or with other married people at work or our neighbors, we often feel that we do not quite measure up. They all seem to have the answers, their finances seem solid, they appear to be the best parents, they always get along and seem so happy. The idea of going into couples counseling is very overwhelming. I understand that other couples may need counseling, but they most certainly do not have the problems we have in our marriage. Then the idea of going into group couples therapy, I am not so sure. I am afraid we would embarrass ourselves in that setting.”
This is often the type of statement people make when they discuss their fear of not only coming to a couples therapy session but even more so when they consider the idea of doing a group couples therapy session. And this honestly makes a lot of sense. We are aware of our own struggles but not always aware of others’. It is intimidating to think of opening up and being vulnerable during uncertainty. However, I want to propose is that there are several potentially powerful benefits of couples group therapy, including:
1. The opportunity to know that you are not alone, that others struggle in this world with their marriages too. Living in this fallen world can be hard enough, but thinking we are isolated in it only adds to the problem and pain.
2. A therapeutic environment designed to foster safety so group members can share and be curious about themselves and each other, free from judgmentalism.
3. Receiving support from others and affirmation for what you are facing in your own marriage and toward the goals you have of something different. It is profound to expose the things that you might hide from much of the world and find that others still care about you and extend grace.
4. Learning from the work of others in the group. Hearing other people’s struggles and challenges may give a fresh perspective that you have not considered or experienced.
5. Hearing some truth and exposing some lies that have influenced and impacted your marriage, from other couples that can bring freedom you have not experienced before.
6. Understanding something from someone else, other than your spouse, that did not quite make sense before. For those who are parents, it is kind of like the neighbor saying something to your child that you have said many times, but they hear it differently from someone else. The same principle applies here.
7. The opportunity to learn while not being the focus of counseling. When another couple is doing work, you can observe, process, and consider similar ideas, while not being the focus of counseling.
8. You potentially gain a new support group—people who will be cheering for you and praying for you going forward. And you may do the same for them.
Shared Experiences: The Collective Growth
I encourage you to consider the benefits of couples group therapy, and maybe the next best step for your marriage is to look at attending a couples group therapy intensive. Where you can be surrounded by others who are looking for help and tools to bring support and healing to their marriage. We all do better when we are in a community of people who can come alongside of us and cheer us on, give us a fresh perspective and remind us that we are not alone.
My wife and I have found a new group of people to do life with, and while that is refreshing for sure, it still is takes time to get to that safe place where we can truly share all that is going on for us. We are closer now then we were when we first moved, and the hope is that in time it will happen.
Aaron is a multi-state Licensed Professional Counselor as well as a licensed minister. In addition to over 20 years of professional counseling, he served in pastoral ministry for 8 years. Aaron has had the opportunity to work in private practice and pastoral counseling settings as well as community mental health centers. Aaron has a real passion to see God’s redemptive work done in marriages and has led multiple small groups and ministries for marriages in his local church. In coming to Hope Restored, he is excited to see God work miracles in the lives of the couples who come and bring life to places that seemed dead. Aaron and his wife, Teri, have been married since 1999 and have two children – one daughter and one son.
